Hey Miss,
I know you are currently living your best life, travelling the world with work, partying often, spending more time in London than you do in that house you bought in South Wales - which by the way - mega investment, well done - and you've recently found your soul mate after spending many years single and totally content with life.
But, underneath that materialistic life, you have been secretly sinking for a little while.
You knew you were struggling with some kind of anxiety, and you were pretty sure there was a depression creeping in. When you took a holiday to Portugal alone to visit Hannah and drove for hours alone to get there, and the thoughts of driving off the bridge crept in, you should have accepted then that you weren't in a good place.
I know you think you don't have the right to feel depressed and anxious because on the outside people think you are living the high life. You've achieved so much alone, you are super proud of yourself, and you have friends that often tell you how amazing your achievements are. I know you worry that you shouldn't be depressed because there are so many good things going on around you for those closest to you - proposals, weddings, babies, new jobs etc.
But what you fail to see is how toxic the job that you are in is. You have lead weights tied to your ankles, and a bag over your head so you can't breathe. You are surrounded professionally by people that are out to find fault, never grateful, and constantly making you feel awful about yourself. You do also have some wonderful connections who are an incredible support, you already know who they are and make sure you hang on to them, tell them they are special.
I want you to know that you are about to go to a family party, that you don't want to go to because you are exhausted, you don't really feel like smiling and your chest is so tight from anxiety that you can barely breathe. I want you to know that your Grandad is going to give you some advice that you should have put at the forefront of anything else going on in life. And I want you to know that putting your life aside for a job, going to this meeting tomorrow and not getting signed off by the doctor because you felt you owed it to your bosses to be present at this QBR that you have spent weeks working on, and didn't want to land them in an uncomfortable situation - I want you to know that whilst your future self wishes you listened to Grandad and realised that your bosses don't care about your mental health, you should also be very proud of yourself for being so professional and going to work that day. Ultimately you gained a lot of respect from the Brand Owner for that meeting and 9 months afterwards he will get in touch.
You see, your bosses are about to sit you in an all day meeting where you present your 40 slide presentation on your brand to a new sales director, they are going to allow you to talk about brand plans that you have worked so hard on for the following year, they are going to sit there knowing that you spent weeks rebuilding the pricing structure and redirection of the brand, and the next day they are going to invite you in to the office under the pretense of a 'debrief', and they are going to make you redundant. If you had called in sick that day and got signed off work for the anxiety and depression that you were feeling like your Grandad told you to, this could have had a different outcome.
I can tell you that your first thought when they hit you with the news will be "thank god I can breathe again", you will shock them with your lack of emotion, and they will be surprised at your level headedness and compassion towards their 'unfortunate situation'. You will feel awful disappointment from the lack of communication through the next month from colleagues, brand owners and bosses. On your last working day you will not hear from your line manager, directors or brand owners, none of them will say goodbye or wish you well - let it go, they don't deserve to know how much that hurt you.
What I also want to tell you is DO NOT WORRY. You do have a brand owner that totally respects and admires your work, and they will insist on flying you out to HQ to have a discussion around working for them directly.
I also want to tell you that it's time to start thinking about yourself. So far you have experienced no loyalty and no transparency. Build your business. Don't go off searching for the stability of a permanent job, don't apply for anything and everything, don't focus on rejection, you are good at what you do.
You need to also be aware that there is a global pandemic coming next year, you'll start 2020 believing that this is going to "be your year" - it isn't, but just ride the storm.
You see, this global pandemic will shut our world down. Millions of people will lose their jobs. Hospitality will be hit hard. The world will be forced into 'lockdown' - that means you will have to stay at home. This pandemic will kill people in many, many ways. You will catch the virus.
You are about to mentally take a massive nose dive, you will obsess over finding a way out and all you will want is to stop the constant fight in your head, your parents will force you to a GP (which by the way it's all done on the phone now or a zoom call if you're lucky - zoom is like facetime) and you will be medicated.
This is all for the greater good. I promise.
2020 will be f**king horrific. Your relationship with your soulmate will end, amongst the depression and anxiety, you will find out you are pregnant when you are rushed into hospital with the most excruciating pain you've ever experienced, and you will need emergency surgery because you are having an ectopic pregnancy. The doctors will initially think you have a tumour on your ovary and a 'viable pregnancy', and then your fallopian tube will burst and you will be very close to dying. You will also test positive for the virus - you know, the one I just told you is wiping out the world. Your soulmate will step up and become the most wonderful partner because he realises what he could have lost, you'll still have a bumpy old ride of splitting up and getting back together again before he finally realises that you are pretty bloody special and deserve for him to be a wonderful partner. And he gets there, and he makes you really bloody happy, every single day.
This will help to lift your depression. You will spend lockdown learning so many new skills, you will start utilising linkedin and the work that you do there will be some of the most important work of your career.
My most important message to you right now is this;
Please, believe in yourself, because you are good enough.
Your talents will be recognised by many. You will be approached by many people that want you to come and work for them. They will all tell you that what they've seen you do on Linkedin is really special and it will be the making of your business.
You need to remember to live in the now. DO NOT obsess over the what if's - it's the MOST damaging thing to your mental state. Live for today and don't worry about tomorrow. Who cares if others think that makes you seem irresponsible. Who cares if that means you have to say no to people to keep yourself in check. Who cares if you have a day when you are exhausted and all you achieve is showering and watching a whole series on Netflix.
Life is going to work out you know. Don't hold resentment over the redundancy, you didn't want to be there anymore anyway and it was slowly drowning you, it was an incredibly toxic, unhappy environment and you were kidding yourself thinking it would get better. So many more people in that business will be brutally made redundant - it was never personal. In fact, they did you a favour because your pay out sat untouched in your bank account for nearly a year, and you built a successful business in less than 12 months because of it - in amongst a global pandemic, in amongst severe depression, anxiety, and an awful medical emergency.
You, actually, are pretty f**king incredible.
You be proud of you. No one else matters.
Just stay alive, because you can always make it out of that big, black hole with a manhole cover on top. And eventually, that head full of bouncy ball thoughts, will become empty. You'll find new passions in crystal healing and buddhism, you'll find inner peace. And you will realise what you are truly passionate about in life.
When you feel like this fight is never going to end, just make it through today. Then do the same the next day.
Just get through today.
Comments