What have I got to be grateful for?

Have you ever been told to practice gratitude?

Perhaps someone tells you practicing gratitude is the right way to behave to realise what you do have in your life?

Well, I can tell you now, it's damaging.

When you are in a black hole, you cannot see positives, and it's near impossible to feel grateful for anything, especially when you don't even want to be alive. Then you are consumed with guilt, because you remember that 'other people have it worse', or 'some people die of illness and all they wanted was to live', so then you feel selfish. Basically anything but grateful.

My counsellor has taught me 2 valuable things recently;

If you deem something as bad or upsetting you, you do not have to make the comparison to anyone else's problems, if it feels bad for you, you are entitled to have that feeling, and you should never allow anyone to minimize that feeling.

It is likely your learned behaviour will automatically send you to negative thinking patterns. Eg. I told my counsellor today "nothing of any significance happened this week" and when we explored my week further, she couldn't believe that I hadn't told her about my positives. I simply deemed my week as "non significant" because nothing bad had happened, and she questioned why I didn't deem the positives/my achievements as "significant"?

I couldn't believe I had done that without even realising.

Then I remembered an old life coach from years ago talking about ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) and how I am a negative person and automatically assume the worst. I was mortified and argued that it wasn't true. He saw something that I couldn't.

We then put all these points together and realised that this is why I catastrophize, and why I automatically assume the worst, and think irrationally.

My way of life has ALWAYS been "prepare for the worst, and then you'll always be pleasantly surprised". What I realise now is that's a form of self protection and self doubt. It is a learned behaviour. It is down to me feeling like I can never rely on anyone except myself. It comes from feeling let down time and time again. To never feeling good enough.

So of course, as with everything, my counsellor and I decided that I have to change this behaviour pattern. I have to start thinking of the positives.

However, I am not ready to practice gratitude - I know what I have, but I also know how bloody hard I worked to achieve every single good thing I have in my life - from material goods to relationships.

But I am prepared to address my positive actions each day.

And this is where the Happiness Journal comes in, and my therapist thinks this may also help with my nightmares, as I will be focussing on the positives of each day, rather than just reflecting on each day.

So today's positives are;

• I had a great session with my therapist

• I had a lovely dinner with my friends

• My partner is really making an effort to listen to my needs

• I am enjoying exploring a new hobby - spirituality & crystal healing

I also decided with my therapist that I need to try and set myself some SMART goals for each day too - I function on achievement, so even if a goal is to 'walk the dogs' or 'do the washing', it enables me to feel that I have achieved something that day if I can complete it.

If you struggle with always seeing the negatives first, give this a go, try it with me, come along for the ride. I've got a feeling it's going to change my mindset.